:: punched, drunk and loved ::

Freitag, April 29, 2005

i am so confused.

suddenly i dun feel like going for the SEP anymore.

somebody or some god send me a sign!

it was |1:00:00 AM|

Mittwoch, April 27, 2005

attn: my dearest bbf,

my dear JY, i am so sorry that i was so stoned today. seems like sitting ar'd the whole day makes me more tired than say, working on my feet during the day. but i am really, really glad that we had our girl talk today, even tho' it was at the very lauzee-and-very-overpriced delifrance, which serves really sucky iced blend mocha and reduced-portion fruittarts, becoz' we cudn't eat the tues-half-price waffles, and becoz' i was too tai-tai to wait for an empty table.

i am glad that we're shared so many things tonight, even tho' judging by previous records, tonight must've been the shortest rendezvous we have. the truths are out, slowly but surely. bear with me becoz i really am a very tightlipped person, despite my (in)famous love for gossips. it has never been more urgent than now to share, to talk, to hangout, as the number of days we can have together, sharing deep dark secrets and heavy worries on our minds, flies by faster than we can say, "september".

u may not know this, but i really am not looking forward to the time when we're both in foreign lands, s'more different ones, and the only (cheap) way we can communicate is the msn. which is why i am not so enthusiastic abt the days to come.

and dun believe everything in the stories, becoz when the time comes, when the stars align, when the two shall meet, i doubt that i will actually go up and do watever silliness that i'd said i will do.

on the bus ride, i became deeply aware that the stories that i've told may seem too charming. bear in mind that poetic memory records everything that charms or touches us, and that makes our lives beautiful. furthermore, a sense of beauty attract a deep belief of "co-incidences" in an unbelievable row: the slipped codename, the gestures witnessed, the person bumped into.

like, for example: shud she not be thinking of fortunities or chances at that moment, she wud have only noticed, "oh i bumped into an acquaintance, who was somebody i r'ber from yrs go" instead of, "oh i bumped into an acquaintance, who was somebody i r'ber from yrs ago, and who was so-and-so's fren". becoz the first two incidents (i.e. slipped codenames and gestures witnessed) happened before the third, she thot about it more often and became more convinced of the final conclusion (i.e. departure from the thought-so "ideal").

wat the heck cheem thing am i talking about? i am not too sure of it myself either. damn tired now. we can ponder over a real tues-half-price-waffles in two wks time, but i doubt we can ever reach an agreement even in the next two decades.

closure and conclusion are major themes in the stories that i have, hope and continuity for yours. i really wish the best of luck to the both of us.

urs truly,
with a million hugs and a million kisses,
and the damn cute girl+boy, chocolate+strawberry jap choc,

- z h u a n g z -

it was |1:22:00 AM|

Montag, April 25, 2005

tonight, i shall tell u an airy-fairy tale.

the boy might have been 16 or 18. The Girl was watching him from her place diagonally across the fastfood outlet. he was with a bunch of frens, whom she presumed were his secondary sch frens becoz they were all in different sch uniform. he has a very animated way of smiling. the big eyes will draw close intensely, the cheeks will blush, the head then tilts at an angle, and the mouth pause into a thin slit. at that instant The Girl was shocked. that head and that mouth belonged to someone else! as if god wanted to assure her of our individuality, the boy didn't follow with what should have been next.

it was that smile, that gesture. they had charm and elegance, while the rest of the face and posture doesn't. they were special.

not so ago, The Girl was reaching the last stage of her age of innocence. she met Pretty Boy. both of them were so playful. but it was all in the spirits of the day! for wat are u at 16 or 17, if not secretly shy and playful.

so many harmless, mischievious (NB: CLEAN) incidences occured btwn them, in the midst of everyone else they knew, if only everyone else had not drifted along like a heartless crowd in town, oblivious to the old man sitting underneath a tree becoz he is blue in the face, or the tissue seller in wheelchair who has not received a single response for the day. but no, nobody knew. well at least, The Girl made sure that none of the people ar'd her knew, and Pretty Boy, being the standard 17 or 18 that he is, gathered everything he could from his "sidekick" and the most remote person connected to The Girl.

sly smiles, charming gestures, undetected eye signals. those were fun, but after a while, The Girl got tired. being the silly schoolgirl that she was, she was tired of all of the girls in sch, and espercially all her frens during watever free time they had, gushing and gossiping and building their myths about Pretty Boy to her. she convinced herself that Pretty Boy can't be anything good. listen to all the wisdom abound about pretty boys! listen to all the wisdom abt flirty and fun pple! and seriously, pretty boys aren't her thing at all.

he continued with more aggressive advances. but one day, The Girl just decided to ignore him totally and forever and ever.

years later, the smile and gesture reminded her of, wat she thot was an embarrassing episode of her life. as she flipped thru' her last diary of 4 or 5 yrs ago, she deconstructed and reconstructed the incidences in her mind again. suddenly she realised, that the myths and so-called wisdom abound about pretty boys isn't true at all. and the embarrassing episode, which cud, i am not saying that was it will, but it might just have that tiniest bit of possibility of changing the next chapter in The Girl's Book, was annexed in her own hands.

what will she do next then?

she shrugs it off, told a friend, and get on with her stuff. her fren, inspired by the tale, decides not to be so kaypoh as to give advices and blahblahblah, and got on with the work on her lappy too.

now, which part is the airy and which part is the fairy tale?

it was |10:58:00 PM|

Sonntag, April 24, 2005

wah. i think i am wonder-woman leh. hsewife during the day and happy girl prancing ar'd town at night. thank goodness my legs haven't aged so much to give way despite zero efforts in exercising them.

i realised i have a perverse pleasure in fresh, sunkissed laundry. oh, and anything white billowing in the wind. espercially those bedsheets. an iced lemon tea in hand to reward myself for all that back breaking work. no, i couldn't resist. i transfered watever mess on their floor to their tables and beds, and mopped their floor too.

i think i might just end up like bree (of desperate hsewives).

and i think, whichever guy who's marrying me will be a damn lucky man! haha.. self praise is no praise but this is no joke man. sweeping, mopping, wiping, laundry services, sewing, tidying, even wash toilet bowls n scrub the sinks etc etc etc - i can and i will do them all. no need to hire maid leh. (which means no one to intrude into our space too! haha). but wait, he has to cook coz i can't. but hey, cooking is supposedly the fun part, and washing the dishes is not!

no wait, either the guy who's marrying me or my fellow spinsters in the SI co-op will be damn lucky. so hurry up, take ur queue number for safe-keeping before they run out!

oh seriously c'mon, feeding ur love is so overrated man, while washing and cleaning up has been neglected. heck, if i need love i'll pop to the supermkt to get my haagen das and toffees and a bimbo book and i'll feel much loved. but u tell me, which unpaid slave will be so willing to pick up ur clumps of hair in the shower gutter, wash the dirty rings in the toilet bowls, pump out rotting pieces of food in the sink, sweep the floor n not get disgusted by ur rapidly falling hair, clear up the explosion in the oven after ur experiments, climb up and down to change the bulbs and clean the shade at the same time, etc.? hmm, actually, sounds like a man's job to me. role exchange? hmm...

it was |1:10:00 AM|

Donnerstag, April 21, 2005

i need a sexy flirty fun and indecent wink!

last night, i couldn't sleep. this morning, i couldn't wake up. so, i was late for my ES paper. and ah-ha. there wasn't time to do the second part. so 30m go going gone.

but the thing that upsets me is not the 30marks. (well, it does upset me. but not that much.) but becoz of a certain very unreasonable person i encountered in the morning. who made me late. XYZ.

and the spillover effect from a sleepless night is that i am so freaky tired for the rest of the day nothing that i tried to read goes in. but amazingly, i still can't get a wink of sleep the entire day even if i try to. i think it's time to change some things. for all i may know, something is blocking my chii. my feng shui. mandala. 9 square. north-south axis. hat-bodi-lac. watever they call it.

see lah never follow ur ancestors' traditions now everything so messy. dun anyhow transplant things ah.

oh oh and i think i finally spotted the pervert who -pardon for the lack of a more creative word- perve upon RI boys at junction 8. the myth is incomplete, becoz he perves upon ACS boys too! and he is old and uglee. that's not the point. the point is, he is YUCKS. normally he just looks ar'd, when a group of young, hairless, nubile, extremely skinny/obese boys (why do little boys always come in either bean pole or bean bag size?), his eyes will suddenly turn dreamy and he'll stare n stare n stare at them and those unfortunately unaware "sch-nv-tell-me-J8-got-pervert-who-preys-on-me-mamee" few who sits next to him will find him inching closer n closer n try talk to them, make frens, share their fries, etc. YUCKS!!!

it's true that he is the pervert-who-preys-on-RI (and ACS)-boys. becoz he doesn't do that when other MOELC kids (the non-RI/ACS and the non-nubile-young boys) sit near him.

but let's forget abt the pervert-who-preys-on-RI (and ACS)-boys for a moment.

most pple shud've known by now i like flirty fun winks. but they're so hard to come by these days. in fact, i haven't seen one since i left, yikes, J1! and now i'm J5 alr'd!

so where is ah-hao when i need some sexy flirty fun and indecent winks.. (haha ok i think only m.t.m knows what i am talking abt...)

oh wait, lao-shi would know too. n she'll surely start roaring, (in chinese) "go and study lah! stop winking u two da-bai-chis!".. ahhhh i miss lao-shi!!!

okok i shall go catch my 40 winks first then wake up at 7am to study b4 the paper. *cross fingers*

i hope i wake up!!!

it was |9:55:00 PM|

Dienstag, April 19, 2005

oh wait. it's jay chow. not chou. i'm so uncool even in the land of uncools.
_____

one problem u may face having a different variant of ur parent's surname is that bank tellers will stare at u in disbelief and say, "he's ur father? [then urs mEh] are u sure? [yes of coz i am sure? no wait, maybe i'm not so sure] how come different surname? [have u considered the endless range of possibilities from stepdads to simply some harmless changes?] "

furthermore, which idiot wud wanna sponsor u if not ur parents?

and, for the last time, i am NOT a p.e. teacher! argh.

it was |9:36:00 PM|

Sonntag, April 17, 2005

flashbacks n quotable quotes for the week:

"regrets, i have a few.." - frank sinatra

"[translated] in my world/dictionary, no girl will need to pay for her stuff" - daoming si

"most of the shadows of this life are caused by standing in one's own sunshine."- ralph waldo emerson

"sex is biological. gender is cultural." - middlesex

"wo2 hui4 fa1 zhe4 dai1, ran2 huo4 hui1 hui1 shou3, jie1 zhe4 jing4 jing4 bi2 shang4 yan3" - jay chou

"u noe wat, i think we will nv get married." - m.t.m. "guess who"

"why izzit every other book that i bought which i thot wud be interesting end up being very uninteresting? n why izzit that everyone else seems to buy only very interesting books?" - me
_____
all in all, we (we as in, with everybody that i've met this wk) ate too much food, sipped too much cocktails, played too much tennis, joked n horsed ar'd too much, sang till we go silly, and had a great week.

if u had watched "Swing Girls", maybe u wud have noticed that the ending song is the same one as the one in "How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days". one thing led to another n before we know it, our memories were transported back to the days of, "Maid In Manhattan". that was after A-levels man.

everyone else in cine must've thot we were mad, singing such oldies. but i really can't help it. i sing when i am happy. when i am happy n am ar'd certain mad pple too that is.

it sounds silly and way-too-old to say this, but we agreed that we do wanna go back to being 18. no, 17. the clean feeling of showering after trg (or in our case, tennis), the sweet scents of various shampoos n shower foams faintly lingering onto urselves, pigging out on cartel's prok ribs after trg (tennis), then lamenting "put all the burnt calories back", having nothing to do but prancing ar'd orchard too much. ah, those days.
_____
we met someone in cine too.. someone... hmmm. i always wondered why do all of us (oh ok. the majority of us) have r/s hangups.

n i realised that we are really scary girls who, deep down, are wishing for someone as possessive n as sweet n as scary (n hopefully, as rich) as daoming si. (so re-watching meteor garden wasn't that bad... right?)

i am still wondering.
_____
if only i had not overslept at all for this sem, if i had not been so prissy n hop onto any cab when the mood strikes, then most prob i cud've bought another 20 books n spare change for more CDS!!!! argh.

*sigh* i want my milan kunderas n david secadas n blahblahblahs.

n middlesex is... intriguing. becoz we took... ah, that's another story.
_____
it may be too late, too outdated to say this...

but my youngest sister is turning me into a jay chou convert.

i am getting so uncool.

the other one, for goodness knows wat, asked me about alsace-lorraine the other day n the all i cud think of is "quiche lorraine". so much for history. somebody, whom in those days way b4 "Waterboys" was even shown, said that she will name her daughters alscae and lorraine despite the bloody history behind it coz they sounded so romantic...

n now we've lost touched.

regrets? i do have a few.
_____

i have been limiting, putting myself down in many areas n i want to break out of that. but it's the most difficult thing to do when ur back is facing the sunshine n all u can see are the shadows.

certain things, when i come to reflect upon the past few yrs, have lead to certain major changes. some are accidental, some are uncontrollable, some are irreversible, n all cud've been prevented.

but then hindsight is always 20/20.

for now, i guess i'll just have to try to stop bullying myself.
_____

it was |8:08:00 PM|

Mittwoch, April 13, 2005

s'times, i do wish that there's a "lost and found" section for some things in Life.
_____

the one thing that really irks me is when u are discussing something with someone n this someone secretly go on to discuss it with someone else at the same time n still dare to tell u about it later. now now this happened/ happens in msn so often u thot i shud be used to it by now? NO. the worse thing is when i noe that u really are trying to suck up to that other person, u big SUCKER.

without a word of thanx s'more. *ROARS*

it was |12:15:00 AM|

Montag, April 11, 2005

i feel so blessed!

when u are down n out, who's with u?

thanx to wenshan... for giving me courage to put a closure to THAT. u'll definitely make a very good social worker! we must've shocked e'one walking past the engine's mac's on that day.

thanx to weiting, mavis and candice.. for all the physical help rendered, but most importantly the moral support in the darkest hr. u gals have NO IDEA how MUCH it meant to me.

(altho' mavis teo, i went up to the same level again for the next two days n i still dun see any cute guys ar'd. trust me. if i haven't seen any for the past two yrs, there mustn't be any.)

thanx to xiuying.. for all the nice kuehs n further moral support n great chit chats in the middle of the night.

i tell u, all the rest of the pple are so damn envious that i've such a great support rally ar'd me. -beams-

and thanx to u too lynnkoh.. i got the card on the night of my crit n i cant tell u how much i miss u too!

uplifted. buoyant. i feel ready to take on the world once again!

_____

i feel like changing my blogskin again soon. damn.

_____

so many things happened while we were stuck in our dark and dry dungeons. ordinary pple passed away in earthquakes. great men passed away too. first was kenzo tange, then the pope.

many pple are saddened by the pope's death. i am too. i dun think that it is inappropriate to feel sad/ need to mourn for his death just bcoz one is not a catholic. we're mourning for a great man. n anyone who has someone who's close to u passed away, whether u've actually seen it or not.. it isn't pleasant.

and this topic led us to another. let's just call the man his initials, OBL. OBL has a great knowledge of (esp) sustainability which shud cause our envy. however, OBL is one person who makes his students of not-his-religion feel uncomfortable. in fact, OBL resembles the other famous OBL (osama bin laden) so much, from their initials right down to the "natural vegetation" on their faces. while the other is an allah terrorist, our OBL is a banana terrorist who works for the X.

after hearing certain stories abt OBL on sat, esp from his last and last last sem students,i felt pretty disgusted. names and exact events shall not be mentioned for i am aware that there are arky pple reading this. but for once, i do hope that MM lee will get a whiff of this (shud be pretty easy, since his granddaughter is in arky ark also) n kick him back to his c-ang-moh-bridge. holleeble! how can lydat. university lecherer is religion-intolerant.*gasp* and sum moore, despise his own chinese roots (refuses to celebrate mooncake festival?? aiyoh, even our tutor who is deutsch is totally bought into our celebrations n brought chinesisch moonkuchen for us leh). hua2 ren2 bu4 jiang3 hua2 yu3. all the effort into the "speak mandarin campaign" for wat. no wonder cannot be like a-lan go to china to fa1 zhan3. stuck in the rut of -i din't say this- singapore.

and how inappropriate it is to email students, "dun call me at night becoz my wife n i may be making out on the couch". the way we see it, it is really reverse psychology. u noe like, the more pple are deprived of one thing, the more they imagined themselves to have/do it.

ok. getting bitchy. time to stop.

disclaimer: it isn't that the author is intolerant of OBL's religion. just that she suddenly r'bers "regardless of race, language or religion". alr'd there are pple saying, "i feel like i'm judged in my work due to my religion (or the lack of)", we shud always highlight potential extremists who may break our social fabric to the gahment. one of our 5 defences, isn't it??

_____

during one of our boring time in the dark and dry dungeon, we started to ask how many kids each person wud like to have. unsurprisingly, the guys want more than the girls.

the hypothesis: how many u desire is influenced by how many siblings u have.

the conclusion: possibly. even if let's say u were born in a siblinghood of two, u look at other pple with a siblinghood of three n u think it just might be better.

but then again, i say that it has to do with life experiences more than a simple "how many other siblings do u have". so my hypothesis is more consistent with the conclusion. generally, those with a happy family desire more. those born with not-so-happy family desire less. generally only.

hmm.

ahh.. tired. continue next time.

it was |12:50:00 AM|

Sonntag, April 03, 2005

this is wat u get when three undergrads of econs, law and architecture play monopoly together.

one is rolling in money, the other is concerned abt legal issues, the last girl only wants to build pretty houses lined up in a row.

a'ways, tmr's beng's bday! so guilty i cudn't celebrate with her... but i'm sure the love of my life understands why. dun worry beng, i'll give u all my time after next wk! the rest of u, whether in singapore, london, california or new york, better call her up n wish her happy bday ah!

speaking of beng, that lucky girl is going to germany for her sep! lucky asss. hmmp. well, actually we planned that if she really got her choice i'll fly over to join her there n then we'll pop to london n france too. but a series of unfortunate events has rendered that (highly) impossible now. sigh. who wants to go ko-re-ah or nihon?

n yes aki pple, did u forget that minghui flew to deutschland alr'd? actually i had typed a post to remind all of u to wish him good luck n come back with a german babe (n also a german hunk for me. hiakhiak) but blogger wiped out that post. -fumes- nvm, it's the thought that counts. immer.

it was |9:03:00 PM|