:: punched, drunk and loved ::

Samstag, Mai 07, 2005

becoz i can't sleep and people i wanna talk to aren't online...

oh great. so now i have a sore throat, a cough, AND an ulcer deep in the throat.

which is why i said "online" - becoz our very smart and sassy cheng wenshan correctly predicted that the only way i can talk now is, very sadly, on msn.

it's 4.30am now.
i have been tossing and turning in bed since, 2am?
i dunno why i can't sleep...

izzit becoz of the huge and many excitements at wenshan's 21st bday bbq just now?
it was a HUGE SUCCESS! pity all of u who weren't there. nahnaneepoopoo!

izzit becoz of the many-laughters-induced abs workout session?
as usual, it started all becoz of... "ey ey ey do u r'ber or not?!?!? last time lynn threw her bag on the pavement and ran after benedict in the boat... ..." *lol*

izzit becoz of the equally huge surprise and merriment of FINALLY receiving my 18TH BIRTHDAY PRESENT - one that is a photo album with some of the prettiest and happiest photos we've ever taken together in those torturous two yrs?
i love u girls to the bits! and vain us can't stop admiring how young we looked. hah! dun u ever dare forget one of the songs we sang: and we were so young then, we are so young so young now...

do u still sing these days?

izzit becoz certain words and stuff are turning themselves over and over again in my head, refusing to stay dormant even as i will their erasure?
certainly not.

or izzit becoz of the weather? or that i have been sleeping too much too often the past few days?
there goes the "must sleep b4 12mn" plans.
_____

i have been looking thru' the catalogue and i see my room as an earth and neutral tone.

i still love my reds and oranges and whites and certain shades of green, but no, No More bright lights surrounding when i sleep.

and i need a bigger table. a downsized wardrobe.

trouble is, my mom came back and niam niam niam where am i gonna put the table, where am i gonna throw the wardrobe too coz it has hardly been even lyk, 4yrs? and where am i gonna put all my clothes, despite my assurance that i am gonna throw out half of them. i don't understand how come i am the only "thrower" while the four of them are such "hoarders". ok, maybe three. one of them is not a hoarder, but simply a lazybone who can let the mess accummulate passively.

some people simply dun understand that everything's and everyone's changing all the time. and we can't always be static when our needs and tastes change. u've just gotta move certain things, and maybe certain pple, away.

it sure sounds evil and totally heartless. but i really am not. i still keep all the letters, notes, gifts and sweet-nothings everybody's made with love for me!

but, there is a difference btwn a life full of activities/meanings and a life cluttered with activities/meanings. i just dun like a cluttered life, which is the case for the past, erm, 3 or 4 yrs? the orders of the day - downsizing, stripping, cutting, minus-ing, throwing, erasure. then can we find the gem under all those layers.

already, i can hear the papers being shredded and the sound of the masking tape coming off after the paint-job's done.

and i am in glee.

mad hor?
_____

i really dislike people who tempt me and then backout quickly later.

dun they understand that u can't unthink thoughts? dun implant ideas in my head and make me check out and plan things and then get disappointed.

it sux, seriously.
_____

i need (as of this moment),

a pair of new running shoes,
a pair of new rollarblades,
new contact lenses,
new specs,
new goggles,
new water bottle,
new tennis racket,
proper tennis lessons,
a race/match/competition to perk me up
my hitchhiker's guide to the galazy et al (it's been years yes i know! but i still love them.),
new comic books,
new pot (with a plant),
new table,
new wardrobe,
new hobby,
new chill out place,
new travelmates,
new stickers,
a new phone,
a new phone number.

i want,

as usual, all the girls' things which are impossible to satisfy. espercially those lacoste shoes, mango bottoms, cartier charm bracelets and a certain $42,400 tiffany pendant (mind u, and that's the pendant only).

but then again, we live for moments of glee and false hopes, so these things will still make me a very happy girl.

it was |4:35:00 AM|